Friday afternoon in a small studio unit in Quezon City ——
I have a professor back in undergrad wherein he would ask us to answer the question, “Who are you today?” every session we have with him and write the answer on a piece of card. We have two classes per week with him in six months and there were times when I was too tired to write something cool that I’d just jot down, ‘a person.’ It puzzled me at that time why he’d ask us of such a thing when his class was all about history. I thought it was insane. I didn’t get an answer why but the reason didn’t matter anymore now. That question however that he tried to enforce in our psyche, is still with me and somehow became an anchor in a pool of changes happening to me and in this environment that I am in.
“Who am I today?” I am Chelsea. I am 25 years old. I am an architect who had just passed the licensure exam. Currently, I am working as an architectural designer for MCD, Balfor Construction, and FFF Konstruksyon all based in the Philippines; founder and employee for Carbon Creatives PH; moonlighting for 2020 Component Distributors and G3 Architects both based in California. I am trying to save up money to buy my own car, get HMO for me and my family, and start my design firm this year.
I don’t want to just be an architect who designs houses, commercial spaces, and buildings. I want to be that architect who makes spaces that cherishes life, spaces that reinforce good values, spaces that respect cultures, spaces that are humane, spaces that are safe for everyone, spaces that inspire positivity and give hope. I want people to know me as that architect. Behind every line that I draw, every brick that is being laid out is the people who need and will spend time of their lives in the spaces I make. May this be the fuel to my passion in my career.
This is me today. Starting, lifting off to what might be a lightyear of a journey as an architect.
“Who am I today?” I may need to ask myself more of this question now as I easily dismiss the value of my life and what I create. I easily forget the struggles I have endured and the milestones I have made for my personal life and my career so far with whatever little I have. I matter too. My experiences matter. Sometimes I forget that I am a strong person. I feel like I am both the main and the supporting character in my life. I guess that’s how I cope with life in times of trouble and uncertainties. So it’s not surprising that I have a great affinity for films or shows that resonate with my life experiences.
I had recently watched “Tick, tick..BOOM!”, an autobiographical musical by playwright Jonathan Larson portrayed by Andrew Garfield. I never knew him or heard of his name before the movie. It makes sense because Jonathan Larson died three months the exact date before I was born and the fact that he lived on another side of the world.
The story of his life as shown in the movie was the particular week away from him turning 30. I have nothing in common with John. He’s an artist, I am an architect. Though it is arguable that the two are closely related professions, standing on the same foundation and principles of design, I do not think that the case is the same for me and him. As I am now, the line of thinking required for each of our professions couldn’t be any more different. Artists explore all realms of possibility, architects design within the set of limitations in this world. Artists make art — to nourish the soul, to answer life’s questions and to question life itself. Architects design — to provide solutions to a problem. I have nothing in common with John Larson in the movie. He was turning 30, I am turning 26. He feels like it is the end for him, I feel like I am just starting. The only thing I have in common with John Larson right now is the hunger for making something great and the certainty that there is nothing else that I can be but an architect and him, a playwright.
Though there are only a few specifics in his life that resonated with me, his story gave me valuable questions like, He gave it everything he had, have I given everything I have for my career? Should I need to give everything I have? I don’t know yet. ; Will giving myself a timeline really help in my progress and growth as an architect? Right now, I think that is best. Do I have to push away the people I love, just so I can focus on my craft? Definitely not. Should I fearlessly put myself out there like what he did for Superbia? Absolutely.
More than that, it reminded me of the realities of the path of making your own legacy. It doesn’t happen overnight, nor within weeks, months, or even in a decade. Larson was working on Superbia for eight years, and even after his presentation, it never got him the recognition, the producers, the 10,000$ checks, and his dream for it to be on broadway. This made me realize that I have to brace myself a lot more and hope and pray that I am surrounded by people who will remind me from time to time why I am doing this. Just like what Michael did for John.
Rosa Steven’s rhetoric to John after the disappointing news about Superbia struck me. She said, “You start writing the next one. And after you finish that one, you start the next. And on and on, and that’s what it is to be a writer…You just keep throwing them against the wall and hoping against hope that eventually something sticks.”
It reminded me of a poem I found on a piece of paper in between the pages of a book I was reading, it was this:
