It’s 4:00AM sharp on my phone clock. The city life is starting to buzz outside with car noises noticeably increasing by the hour. A new day is welcomed by a drizzle. It is starting for the people outside. I, on the other hand, am turning off my desktop computer and tidying up my table — still set to conclude the past day. I need sleep. Lying down on my mat in my bare studio space, staring up at the ceiling, my hands behind my head, I ponder the affairs of my heart towards my experience as a junior architect in my current company. For the first time in my two and a half years working, this imaginary “leave” sign in my head started flickering. Right then and there, I knew I will have to resign from my post soon and move forward into another position in my career. The smell of the rain danced under my nose. A rare occurrence I thought. My eyes involuntarily closed. I really need rest.
When it comes to maneuvering my life, I rely foremost in what my gut says and in how I feel about the decision or situation in its entirety. It goes without saying that I always have to be brutally honest with myself and with my objective. Time, albeit a social construct, is a resource of greatest value compared to money or material asset. As much as possible, I do not want to waste it in working half-heartedly because that would be a disservice to the people I am working for. Thus, there is a need for me to trace my steps back, reflect, and recognize where I stand in my career right now.
Backtracking to 2019, January 14th to be exact, I chose to take this alternative path. I had to opt for residency because I practically had no other courses to take aside from one major and my thesis class. So as not to waste my time waiting, I decided to apply as a junior architect in my firm today through a friend. There was no written contract, I am paid decently, I have benefits, work is flexitime, and the working environment opens you up for exploration within the field which I needed that time. I consider myself lucky to be able to get a job at such circumstance and I am truly grateful for it. There are two things that I have set out to do when I accepted the job — one, to try and see for myself if I really want to pursue architecture and two, that I will work in the company for three years no matter the highs or lows. I have resolved the former. The second one is only a matter of time. That day is nearing and the need to tread a new path for my career is calling within me more than ever.
My personal sentiment towards the company however is besides my goal to branch out into the forefront of advanced architecture technology and maybe other exploratory branches of the field. In that aspect, the company clearly cannot provide opportunities for me to move forward in that avenue as their focus are in construction and project management and not in innovations in design practice. In addition to that, there are issues in administration that I find problematic. One is communication, two is company culture. During the onset of pandemic, communication was understandably hard having not known when the pandemic would cease. Everyone in the team is lost. But after a year there was no online meeting, no regrouping and no planning how we will approach project management as a team onwards. The repercussions of all these are catching up to each employee notably in the weight of responsibilities that would just suddenly come out of nowhere. No weekly briefings and updates, there’s just the lingering expectation from each member that the job needs to be finished. Everyday feels like pushing to float above water so we won’t drown. The second issue that I am quite disappointed is the company culture. I am not even sure if there is one. Allie K. Miller, in one of her instagram stories talking about company culture fit gave a few questions and pointers to cross check that: Do you like what is getting rewarded here? Do you like the people, the workplace, the trajectory of the company? What are the actual goals of the role given to you? I tried asking most of these questions. During pre-pandemic, there certainly was a trajectory for the company. The struggle of surviving the business in a Covid crisis however marred that vision. I do like the people that I work with but I put a premium on the capacity of a company to provide value and support in career growth. As it stands now, I cannot see that possibility.
I have contemplated this struggle in my head many times the past month, and by writing my thoughts, I have affirmed it which is necessary. Change is never easy for me but by accepting it early on before it even happens give me a breathing room to adapt to it.
Nothing is more frightening than staying put, never moving forward.
